Not Quite a Tango
by HoldoutTrout
Summary: I'm sorry for this. An alternate look at the aftermath of The Long Con. It's meant to be funny, I think.


**Not Quite a Tango**

by Hold-Out Trout

Disclaimer: Don't own Lost. That honor belongs to others.

Author's Note: I wish I could tell you that I was going to write more of this story, but I'm not. I apologize for this; it was the product of an enormously tired and half-asleep mind. My muse was having way too much fun with me. This comes right after "The Long Con," and is entirely AU. Oh, and the song (which I also don't own and is just a reference, I promise) is mostly a reference for Ryan. I know, it's lazy and obvious, but whatever.

* * *

After two months, Kate was getting used to sleeping on sand and waking up with it everywhere, including inside her clothes.

She rolled over slowly, knowing it was just before dawn. She thought most of the crash's survivors probably weren't used to waking up so early. She kind of liked it, and reached for her shoes.

Pulling her hair back, she opened the front flap of her shelter. To her surprise, she found Ana Lucia sitting right outside her "door."

"Oh good, you're up. I wanted to ask you something."

Curious, Kate followed Ana as she stood up and walked into the jungle a little ways.

"So what's this about?" Kate knew it had to be something about last night's drama. She hoped Ana didn't think she could do something about Sawyer. He wouldn't listen to her anymore, not since she fell for his con. To him, she was just a pawn in his game, and he'd used her loyalty to Jack to divide the group.

Ana took a deep breath. "I want you to help me get the guns."

Kate was honestly surprised. Not that Ana wanted the guns, because who didn't, but that she would ask Kate to help her get them.

"Why aren't you talking to Jack about this?"

She hoped that didn't sound too bitter. She hadn't even considered asking Jack if she could help him look for the guns, simply because she knew he wouldn't trust her with them, even if he were willing to "put her in danger" like that. Which he wouldn't be.

Ana just looked at her.

Finally, she said, slowly, "Jack doesn't trust anyone with those guns. He wouldn't trust his own mother to find them."

Kate thought maybe Ana was more tolerable than she realized.

She took a moment to consider the situation. She didn't exactly trust Ana, but she didn't have anything against the ex-cop, either. Kate knew what kinds of things could happen just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"All right. I'm in."

The next few days Kate and Ana took the early part of the morning to plot and map out some of the surrounding ground. They divided the camp into two halves, keeping an eye out for Sawyer, reporting back the next morning with his movements. They took care not to be seen together too often, but on the third day had to think of some reason for their morning walks, since Jin and Sun happened to be up when Ana met Kate at her tent.

They decided they would be gathering fruit. As their circumference expanded, so did the variety of fruits they brought back to camp about midday.

Finally, two weeks later, they decided it was time to shadow Sawyer into the jungle the next time he went. They noticed that when he set off for the hatch, he sometimes would not arrive until another hour or so after he should have. So Kate and Ana waited until they saw him disappear down the path, then cautiously followed, relying on Kate's tracking skills to discover just where he left the path and set off on his own.

They weren't far into the jungle when Kate spotted Sawyer's prints leaving to the left. Slowly, she and Ana followed the traces Sawyer's passage through the thick foliage left behind. After 20 minutes, Ana motioned to Kate, and they left the track.

"I don't think we should stay on the trail much longer. He could come back this way any minute now."

Kate nodded, and they moved perpendicular to the trail for a couple of minutes, ending up in a large clearing by the beginning of some steep hills. Now that they had a general area for the cache, they could come back later and search more thoroughly.

Suddenly, they heard a noise, and saw Sawyer climbing down a nearby hill. He was almost right on top of them, and Kate felt a thrill of panic.

Ana met her eyes, and Kate knew she was thinking the same thing. No trees, no fruit, no excuse. And then Ana reacted, grabbing Kate and pushing her against a huge boulder close by.

Kate had the breath knocked out of her, but Ana didn't stop to notice. In a second her lips were on Kate's, and she was kissing her, still pushing her into the rock. Kate grabbed Ana to push her off, then realized the subterfuge and moved her hands to Ana's hips instead. It was, without a doubt, the weirdest kiss Kate had ever had. She was conscious the whole time of her hands, of Ana's hair, and of the fact that Sawyer was just a few yards away, just about to turn around and see them.

Kate heard a small cough, and then a strangled sort of noise, and decided they had been seen. Apparently Ana thought the same thing, because Kate was suddenly free and blushing as she opened her eyes to see Sawyer standing not two yards away.

"Well, Freckles. Looks like I had you all wrong."

He had a funny expression on his face, confused, almost sad, but mostly amused, mostly mocking.

Kate didn't try to say anything.

"Well, seeing as you two are busy…picking fruit…" Kate blushed more furiously, if that were possible. "I'll just be moseying off to leave you two lovebirds alone."

And with that Sawyer strolled off through the jungle, whistling a tune.

Once the whistling faded into the distance, Ana muttered, "Sorry."

Kate cleared her throat. "There was no time for anything else. It's okay. I think it worked, anyway." She spoke a little fast, and couldn't meet Ana's eyes.

"Yeah." Ana shuffled her feet. "I think we should clear out of the area for a couple of days. I don't think Sawyer suspects anything, but if he spots us around the area, he might move everything."

Kate nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah."

"I'll head back now, and maybe you can head to the hatch for a bit."

"Okay," Kate said, and watched Ana walk back in the direction of the beach.

She set off a couple of minutes later for the hatch. She wondered if Sawyer would tell anyone—and, if he did, if they'd believe him. She hoped not, but couldn't help but feel some sort of satisfaction that they'd managed to pull one over on the con artist himself.

And then Kate realized what tune Sawyer had been whistling as he walked away. She narrowed her eyes, then laughed and hummed a couple phrases herself of "The Tango Maureen." She'd probably have it stuck in her head for the rest of the day.


End file.
